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Ridiculous (feat. Sammy Warm Hands of The ILLusionists & Wax)

from Blackberries and Bike Rides by Gradient

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lyrics

Verse 1 (Gradient):

I’m a grand alchemist no matter what the outcome is
Smash raps rockin’ Packers hats in Minneapolis
Adam told me where the apple is
I shoved it in his throat and made him sing me the alphabet
I’m the alpha bet you could never forget
a methodical prodigal son’s protestant sloppy shit
Spiked the punch at a church party and made a rave
I even made Bobby Boucher embrace Gatorade
So save it if you gotta hate
I’m crazy enough to eat off of Jeffrey Dahmer’s plate
And I’mma be insane ‘til the tombstone
I turned you fairies into fables; Moon Stone
Not a single sane person on the track
Layed a verse so when we rap, you ‘bout to enter the loon zone
You’re very little like the value of a nickel is,
Me, Wax and Sammy, we about to get ridiculous

Chorus:
(Ridiculous)
Kickin’ that off the wall shit
(Ridiculous)
Kickin’ that off the wall- off the wall shit
(Ridiculous)
Kickin’ that off the wall shit
Fuck your- fuck your money and jewels, we just rob you of your dignity!

Verse 2 (Sammy Warm Hands):
The son of Adrock and a student of Carlin
I write like Larry David but misbehaving like Garlin
I’m funny like Seth MacFarlane
but darker than the Devil’s asshole in an old apartment, yeah
Oh, my darlin’ Clementine, a better rhyme’s in order
‘cause the hors d’oeuvres are poor like Noah Bennet’s eyes
I’m waiting for some albatross in apple sauce
but the waiter’s fading into black like some African astronauts
I never pause, I’ll kill your flow like menopause
Take the applause and give the dough back to a better cause
Got pennies in my pockets and holes in my camouflage
I’m at a loss, listen all y’all it’s a sabotage
The hand of God is readjusting the aperture
Shedding light on the savage ass-handing of these rapping amateurs
I’m bringing the pain and anesthesia couldn’t make it better
Gonna feel like sticking your dick in a fuckin’ paper shredder

[Chorus]

Verse 3 (Wax):
Grilled Lincolns in the house!
Fuck the tomfoolery
Hide your little sister, hide your mom’s jewelry
Lock up your liquor and bolt down your beer
It’s a party full of fuckin’ maniacs in here!
Let’s make it clear
For lack of a better word
I’m the most grandiose rapper you ever heard
A clever nerd with a sack of the better herb
Paranoid mess but of rappers I’m never scurred
Yeah
Answer my question
What motivates these piss-ants to try testing?
I don’t know, but you ain’t gotta explain why
‘Cause I’ll never comprehend it like how planes fly
Out at B-W-I
You spy me and Herbal T high, stumble and vie
Fresh off the flight out at Cali, meet the Lincolns at the terminal
Stand the fuck up like you’re pissing at a urinal

[Chorus]

Verse 4 (Gradient):
It’s the last verse, similar to the first time
Your best line is as good as my worst rhyme
Your face is in the background the camera’s on mine
‘Cause I’m such a big deal, call me Amazon Prime
The backlash against flat raps
I’ll slap fast any rap cat who attacks me with some wack crap
That’s a pre-emptive strike
I might spit so hot they’ll have to vent this mic
You know I been through strife and I’ll tell my story
Even though I have an annoying voice like Homer Simpson’s wife
No Schwarzenegger, keep the choppers at bay
I only think you’re real dope if it’s opposite day
And on that day, nobody is a friend to me
And you ain’t even got a single enemy
And I’m the worst rapper in the vicinity
But in reality I’m as sick as the Human Centipede

[Chorus]

credits

from Blackberries and Bike Rides, released September 6, 2013
Instrumental, chorus, and third verse from Ridiculous by Wax & EOM, produced by EOM.
Beginning sample from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Heyday Films; Voices of David Thewlis and Tom Felton.

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Gradient Eugene, Oregon

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